Top Ten Lists

November:  Top Ten Things To Worry About in Venezuela

10. Bugs that are the size of small animals... and most of them fly.

  9. Electricity going out... frequently.

  8. Water can be one or more of the following shades:  yellow, brown or orange.

  7. Everything... any kind of food... has ham in it.  I would hate to be a pig in Venezuela.

  6. Rats falling from the ceiling of a restaurant.  Yes, this really happened to a friend of mine.

  5. Does anyone speak English around here???

  4. Living with various creatures that you did not invite into your home... cats, lizards, etc.

  3. Don't ask for lemons because you get limes.  They call their limes lemons but they are really limes, not lemons.

  2. Venezuelan time is different... everything takes two hours longer than planned and nothing ever happens at the time it is supposed to.

  1. Forecast for the week... Monday--Hot as Hades; Tuesday--Africa hot; Wednesday--Really hot; Thursday--Hot; Friday--Sunny and hot; Saturday--Hot and humid; Sunday--Just plain hot.

March:  Top Ten Differences between NY and Maturin, Venezuela

10. In NY you can stay home and veg on the couch in front of the TV.
      In Maturin you can stay home and veg on the couch... BUT you better hope the electricity is working and the cockroaches and mice don't have the same plan as you.

  9. In NY you can go out to a movie.
      In Maturin you can go out to a movie... BUT you better make sure your watch is set to the same time as the movie theater, because a 7 PM movie might really mean a 6:40 PM movie.

  8. In NY you can go to the mall and the arcade IF YOU ARE TWELVE!
      In Maturin you can go to the mall and the arcade.

  7. In NY you can go bowling.
      In Maturin you can go bowling... oh, no wait... they still have not built the bowling alley they said would be finished two years ago!

  6. In NY you can go out dancing.
      In Maturin you can go out dancing... BUT be prepared to make a fool out of yourself because you can't do any of the Latin dances.

  5. In NY you can go to Atlantic City and gamble.
      In Maturin the closest thing to gambling is the bingo hall where they call out the numbers in Spanish so fast that you can't keep up anyway.

  4. In NY you can spend a weekend traveling.
      In Maturin you can spend a weekend traveling... BUT you better make sure there is not a nationwide strike because the people want to overthrow the president, and the money in your pocket is no longer equal to what it used to be so you can't afford to travel anywhere.  [Ron's update:  see the attached first-hand account for an update]

  3. In NY you can go to a hot new techno club with a colorful light show.
      In Maturin the only light show you will see comes from the fields that are burning at this time of year (no, they don't cut the grass... they just burn it).

  2. In NY you can go to the theater, the symphony, the opera or the ballet.
      In Maturin... uh... no.

  1. In NY you can go out to a bar with your friends and drink all night for $100.
      In Maturin beer costs about fifty cents.  Ahhhhh... there ARE some good things about this place!

Hope everyone gets a chuckle!
[Name withheld for fear of massive retaliation.  Used by permission.]

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